When someone loses their life, I feel as though it’s their sacrifice to the living. We suddenly realize the things we were once mad about are so petty and silly. We forget why we disliked another person. All grudges dissolve away. So much is learned because a loved one passed away. Their death brings people together to grieve, to love, and forgive.
We cannot waste time being impatient, angry, jealous, or hurtful towards others.
Lead with love in your heart. Live each day as it’s your last. We aren’t owed a long life. This doesn’t mean we get the green light to be reckless. We must be present with those we love. Hug more, talk more, nurture your relationships.
A personal recent loss has transformed my thinking more than I thought possible. I’ve experienced death previously, my father, grandmother, and friends, but this new state of mind I’ve been living in for the past 4 years has made this particular loss different. I’m allowing myself to feel. I am much more aware of where I am in all this. It’s very important to recognize and acknowledge the emotions you are going through. I’m also finding value in all this devastation. There is value in all experiences.
If you’re anything like me, you have a closet overflowing with clothing you don’t wear, still have tags, and those you keep sending love to by saying “I know I’ll wear you ONE DAY!!” Up until a year ago, I had clothing, shoes, and accessories I proudly wore before my daughter was born, let alone a twinkle in my eye. She’s 15…
I would shop on impulse. I would try on clothes that made me feel amazing in that dressing room, go home, and eventually it would lose it’s appeal as the days went on. Most of these clothes would hang there for months with tags still attached. I eventually realized I was UNCONSCIOUSLY shopping. I didn’t have a strategy. I was buying whatever brought me superficial happiness at that moment. I was also living off the frequent highs from the CLEARANCE racks! Boy, oh boy could I find the greatest deals! I mean, I still can, but I’m a bit more practical about it now. Just because I found shirt for $5 (yes – a designer shirt for $5!!!) didn’t mean I needed it or would wear it for that matter.
So between the superficial short lived happiness and constant clearance rack euphoria, I was creating a pile of clothing mush! I would have a bunch of cute skinny jeans, tons of shirts, and dresses! I LOVE dresses! The problem here was, most of the clothing I had didn’t truly make me feel good. I once bought a gorgeous skirt that was about 2 sizes too big because it was a killer deal!! I convinced myself that I would get it taken in eventually. Well, I did…4 YEARS LATER! I’ve worn it once…
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE fashion and I LOVE shopping. But I’ve learned how to love them in a healthy and purposeful way. This is what I did. I took EVERYTHING out of my closet. This overwhelmed me and scared the crap out of me. I had four huge piles that were as high as my King sized bed! It actually made me feel sick and embarrassed. As I dug through it all and began sorting, I was finding it difficult to just let go of items. Items I hadn’t wore in YEARS were suddenly becoming my favorite piece I couldn’t live without. Really??
What I did next became a fun little game. I grabbed an item, looked at it for about 2 seconds, if I felt nothing within 2 seconds, immediately it moved to its new home – the NO Pile. I also had a Maybe Pile, which would take a little more time. If within those 2 seconds, my heart did the slightest putter, it went into the Maybe Pile. This pile was a three step process. Step One – the 2 second emotion test, Step Two – Maybe Pile Toss, Step Three – try it on. Now this is where it can get easier. If it’s tight, loose, ripped, stained, etc – there is no other option but placing it to the NO Pile. If it looks fabulous on you and you immediately identify with your inner Sasha Fierce – then that item, my dear, goes into the KEEP Pile. If you only end up with 10 pieces that make you feel as though you can take on the world, then you’ve won! Style is an inside job! Confidence can’t exist within high heels that cramp your feet or 25 dresses that are just ‘okay’. I set myself free the day I got rid of tons of clothes! So what if I got a great deal on that Nordstrom top (that fits a little awkward). Who cares that some of my clothes still had the tags! I did not need to hold on to them if I wasn’t going to put them to use. In fact, I began to feel greedy and selfish by holding on to so much. There are other women out there who could truly benefit from my fabulous, not for me, items.
Now my shoe collection…that’s another story…stay tuned.
This was the beginning of my closet organization. I used sticky notes to help identify each category. This set up makes it easier to find the clothes I want to wear.
The word empowerment is definitely having it’s glorious moment in the spotlight.
Women seem to be waking up from a deep slumber. I can say this with confidence due to my own experience. As I’m now in this beautiful calm space in my life. I am able to look back and reflect on how I got here. I can say I’ve literally been sleep walking most of my life up until four years ago.
It was November 2014. I scrolled across an event called “Guided Meditation” I’ve always been interested in this area of healing, but never dove into it, that is until I was gravitated towards this event. I showed up alone, not knowing anyone in the circle. I was greeted by a loving human being who has become a very close personal friend aka my Soul Sister. The day I walked into her home for the meditation was the day I finally woke up.
I’m embarrassed to say that becoming a mother 11 years prior to that didn’t fully wake me up to be the best mother I should’ve been. My life had been interrupted by lies, deceit, trauma, and pain for so long. I needed a huge awakening and luckily I received it in 2014. Even though life was a constant waist deep battle of trying to jog through molasses and quicksand – AT THE SAME TIME. I was always rooted with the desire to want to be of service to women, to help guide them into healing. Maybe this was due to wanting that person for myself.
2009-2011 was an exceptionally trying time for me, but I did eventually manage to graduate to knee deep jogging through molasses and quicksand, and did I mention, AT THE SAME TIME?? 2009 I decided to exit a painful relationship with my daughter’s dad. In 2011 my father unexpectedly passed away after missing for awhile. Unfortunately, my daughter wouldn’t receive the best version of me until 2014 at the age of 11. Although, I do feel I am making up for it in major ways now! I mean, I’ve been turning out pretty awesome, if I do say so myself!
Well, being she’s teenager now, she may think a wee bit differently. BUT, I am present and available for her in ways I never imagined. Meditation gave me a huge sense of empowerment. With that confidence I am able to be a role model for my daughter. Our relationship is positive and most of my guilt has subsided. In fact we are working together to create a program for young girls to become centered and focused with Self Love.
I’m blessed to have such an amazing partner in this chapter of my journey.
Empowering ain’t easy!
Wanting to be the light and guide women and teens into self empowerment does challenge me at times. There are days I don’t feel so shiny and bright and allow my light to dim. Luckily with my new way of mindful living, meditation, and my positive communities of women, that feeling is always short lived. I have to understand that I am human. I must allow space for healing and nurturing at all times.
I’m over the moon with joy when I’m creating content. I look forward to sharing so much with you. This is my first blog entry. I wanted to give a little insight on who I am and where I’m coming from! I look froward to this relationship.
xoxo Lea Roman – Lifestyle Empowerment Coach